Miscellaneous

Ok, for anyone that reads this, they know what is currently going on in my life, I work in student ministries at Flatirons (until May) and I was looking to do an internship at my new church, Larkridge--mainly because I do want to teach, write and let otherwise let my (sometimes) dim light shine (to steal from Better Than Ezra, Recognize) for the sake of the Kingdom. Translation: eventually I would like to plant churches in areas that the Gospel is not well recieved. To that end I thought I would pursue an internship at a newly planted church...turns out this is easier said than done, so naturally I'm wondering "what the heck God!? I thought I should do this..." so yesterday I met with Rob Harter, Lead Pastor, Larkridge Church. Great guy, love him to death. So here is the problem, his offer was almost exactly like that of Paul's (Student Min, Flatirons) when I joined two years ago there, run the tech team, build community there, we have a need, you seem tech savvy, so please, please do this...here is the problem...I do have some skill in that area but not what is needed and more importantly, I have almost no passion for it, I spent two years flailing then finally falling on my rear in FSM trying to muster passion for it. I was continually killing my heart doing it, and now it is the offer again. Here is the problem, I've failed because of this before...I will probably fail again, not really serving the needs of Larkridge anyways and leaving me bitter. Somewhat disheartening and confusing. Quick Note: Passion is usually more important than ability, ability can be learned, passion cannot. I'll put my bet with a person who's heart is in the game with little ability (because that can be learned) than a person with ability but who's heart isn't in the game. Trust me, I learned that in my first 1.5 years of suffocating in FSM.

So, I'm left with some questions:
(1) Should I even participate in 'ministry' right now? Or at least 'ministry' as it is commonly known?
-or-
(2) Is God trying to teach me something here? Should I be reevaluate my direction (I'm sure of my call to do this, but maybe the route is in question)? I say this even more because of my general discontent with much of what is passed off as "church" and "community." Mostly superficial (though Flatirons has been markedly different, pretty refreshing).

Oh, reading a book right now that is working into these questions, Simplicity, by Mark Salomon of the band Stavesacre. Great book, buy it, read it, love it.

Anyways, time to go to work.

Josh