::reflections::

Reflections on my first month…

I am homesick…I was honestly blindsided by that…I thought I would be ok coming out here. I loved Seattle in all my visits out here to check out Mars Hill Graduate School. The difference is this, while I love Seattle, on my visits I always knew I’d be going back home to Colorado and my friends, in other words, life wasn’t drastically changing for me. Now life has changed, my geography, my friendships, etc.

Now I live here, Seattle, Washington.

Not Broomfield, Colorado.

I am here.

My friends and home are there.

Honestly, in all my dreams of moving out here, in all my visits out here, I never thought moving out here would be so hard.

I miss my friends.

I miss the mountains.

I miss familiar places.

I miss what I knew as “church” there.

Now I find myself in a new place. A new story. New people.

And I wonder what the hell I’m doing here.

Seriously.

You’d think I wouldn’t have these doubts.

I do.

I doubt my calling. I am wrestling with my ideas on the Church (and the church). And I start Seminary in a week. Do I still want to go through with this? I say this for many reasons. One is I’ve given more thought to going to law school. Another is that I’ve given thought to working with various missionary/youth organizations. I have many many questions swirling in my mind concerning what I want to spend my life doing. There are many things I love. Many things I want to do with my life.

I want to make a difference.

I want to travel.

I love writing.

I love speaking.

I love intellectual challenge.

I love discussing law.

I love working with students.

Where does all this leave me?

Wrestling.

Undecided.

With lots of questions.